17 July , 2023

I’m crazy for the little things

And then I’m just plain crazy…..

I know this

I accept it

It’s fine with me

I’m standing in my kitchen

Cause I’m cooking dinner

And it’s during the mundane

And the everyday, that they love to drop in

Maybe they think it makes them more relatable

Or close to human

Or

They suffer from FOMO

(fear of my ordinary)

Anyway.

My thoughts have been circling a particular friend I had at school

And how I tried to find her using social media a few years back

And how I didn’t

Well, I found her, but didn’t manage to connect

I reached out

And heard nothing back

It’s ok

I really just wanted to ask her a question

One from our youth

That lead into her future

And whether or not, it happened for her

Cause I really hope it did

Way back then

It was a very special want for her

It’s about here

My thoughts and feelings collide

And I find myself thinking

Maybe I hurt her and that’s why she didn’t respond

Maybe we were just too different

Maybe she felt I abandoned our friendship when I up and left school and where I lived

This is the point in the spiral that Hope enter the conversation

The one I’m having with MYSELF……

Rude really !

They weren’t exactly invited

Or were they…….

(insert smiley face here)

And they say

To continue seamlessly from my rhetoric

“ MAYBE you just weren’t meant to be “forever” friends

Maybe you both moved on to different moments

Different points of attraction

Not to be forgotten

But to be remembered later

As the way you were

What you meant to each other at the time

This is as good a gift

As long lasting relationships

That holds no less value

That has purpose

And meaning

And heartfelt intent

And you were young

And exploring

And not certain of where life would take you

Or even in fact

What who you were, in those moments,  would mean

Moving forward ”

And as I stir my pot

And try to let go of MY meaning

And attach myself to theirs

They drop another nugget….

“ Kate, it’s ALL a gift

And any gift

Whether you’re the kind to tear it open wildly

Ripping at it’s wrapping

Or gently peel the tape to unfurl the folds

And present what hides within

NO gift was ever unwrapped the WRONG way ”

And now my meal is inclusive of tears

And I’m digesting their offering

Quite literally

And I love them so much

And I know they are one of my gifts

Just busy sharing

And giving thanks

Much love

Kate (& Hope)