10 Mar , 2023

Following the events of yesterday

I’ve decided to take the next 7 days as an opportunity to reset my thinking

To just relax into whatever comes to mind

Quite literally

And to absolutely allow

Whatever comes up

To just BE

It’s all for the purpose of recalibration

An effort to take my feelings of flat and less than

and inject them with the prospect of more

I’m not going to make drastic decisions

I’m not going to indulge overreaction

I’m just going to see where it takes me

Interested?

Strap in

Come for the ride

I just might make you feel a whole lot better about yourself

Even if

It’s just because…….

I need more help than you do

So

As the day starts and I do what I do

I’m realising stuff

Just , small , insignificant things about me

in my environment….

Just how much I love our puppy

And how he greets us each day

Always with the same enthusiasm

And always in his own unique style

I guess when you’re damn adorable

You just are who you are

Dogs don’t care if they’re good looking

They don’t care if you love them

They just care, that they love YOU

And I couldn’t love him anymore than I do

But I realise, I adore dogs

And it’s probably because

they give so much, without wanting anything

They’re consistent

And unapologetically present in their bodies

Do you ever have a bunch of random thoughts that really have no connection

I do

All the time

Like….

Outside the shower I clocked myself realising

I’m fascinated by the science

The science that supports the crazy that is my life.

I speak to dead people and see stuff that just isn’t there for a lot of others

I love that it’s catching up

Finally

That the people like me

Who see life the way I do

Are not so crazy

And science has started to make the connection

Not only looking

But finding answers or possibilities

As to Why How and What

And I think that I do this

Because as much as I’m a little cracked

And it’s always been that way

I’m also very practical

I’m not easily lead

And despite respecting others boundaries and preferences

I will always think for myself

Question what’s presented

I don’t walk blindly into the void

So much of what I believe

Gets constantly questioned

I’m no push over

And somehow our shower door is the cutoff between

the outside world and another portal

Or at least the refresh between one train of thought and another

Cause now I’m all about

How much I love the days I wash my hair

And this is because running water

Starts at the top of my head

And falls to my feet

Immersion

I find it completely relaxing

And utterly fabulous

Thoughts flow thick and fast and I always wish I had a pen and paper

Not baths

I’ve never been a lover of those

Showers is my thing

Water in motion

I’m really not a fan of those rainfall shower heads

I think they’re ridiculous

So all the high end spas and hotels around the planet

Did you ever stop to think about

“What if I don’t want my fucking hair wet?????!!!!!!”

Yeah, it’s a real thing

And trying not to get your hair wet and have a shower

Leaves you like a twisted pretzel

With a kink somewhere you don’t want it

NOT at all relaxed….

just saying

Ok calm down

Safe to say

At the end of this week

It will still be a hard NO

To that particular plumbing hardware

And maybe I’ll start washing my hair every day

Just cause it feels good

Maybe not……

Maybe water is a thing for me

I’ve always found it soothing

I like to walk the waters edge

I love my laundry…..

I often find myself lost in thought with my hands in our sink

I’m now at my desk and knee deep in paperwork

And for today

I’m not loving or hating

I’m just doing

I’m deliberately not going to stay with any thoughts of what it all means

or what it all represents

I’m just going to treat it like a process

And get it done

Just got some news that would normally make me swear

And then feel knotted up

and swear some more….

And then take a breath and figure it out

But

in sitting here contemplating how to NOT get invested

I just keep thinking

Let Go

Let Go

So what

It is what it is

If I get annoyed

It still is

It happened

I’m not going to erase it

But I can lean into it

If I were looking back on it 2 days from now

I wouldn’t be pissed

Cause I would be removed from it

It’s actually the same right now

It’s already happened

It’s already passed

All that’s keeping it fresh

And current

And active

Is me thinking angry thoughts about it

On repeat

In 2 days

It will be ok

I’ll be ok

I want that now

I’m going back to my paperwork

And that’s my focus

I’ve moved on

It’s gone

It’s done

I realise

I can let go

And

It takes more effort

To stay stuck

To continue feeling uncomfortable

And

I don’t enjoy it

And it’s pretty bloody useless

It actually serves no purpose

Intense displays of less

Get in the way

of

Intense emotions of more

or upbeat

or good vibes

And they

Feed all the best things

And I’m actually happy to see

I’m ok

For now

Feeling Ok

is Ok

And just so you know

this is a conversation out loud

I’m sitting at my desk talking to the air and myself

It’s literally

discussing this with myself

and it feels good

and I feel I can actually let go

somehow saying it

helps

I feel better

Huh!

I’m my own shade of kooky

And I’m just fine with that

Today is under way

It’s a work in progress

And so am I

Much love

Kate x (& Hope)