1 Oct , 2022

Here at BBK we like to put our money where our mouth is

So

Guess what

I get to be the crash test dummy

Anyone who knows me

Knows my insatiable love of dogs

In particular, our Dog, Dennis

He’s sincerely a part of our family

His contribution to the love, is outstanding

Red hot on the heels of Hopes’ post yesterday

“ R & R directions “

I come downstairs this morning , ready for the onslaught of affection

And

No Dennis

I find him laying next to his bed in a crumpled heap

His look is desperate

And he starts to whine and yelp as he sees me

I’m thinking he’s hurt his leg

Take a look

No

I try to stand him up and he flops down

In this moment

My heart stops racing and starts thumping

My immediate decision is that we need the Vet

My next decision is to breathe

I know I have to

I need to

Cause if I pass out before I can help him

I’m useless

To both of us

I’m not gonna lie

I really , really want to freaking panic

And not just a little bit!

I stop myself

I’m talking out loud

Not only to Dennis

But myself

“ Just breathe” keeps running round the inside of my brain on a loop

And then I realise, I ACTUALLY have to DO IT

So I take 30 seconds

And literally cycle through 3 breaths in and out

Dennis is cradled in my lap

He’s quiet and comfortable

I’m feeling calmer and starting to connect thoughts

I remember that he got into macadamias last night

I quickly google

Maybe a mistake….

Crap!!!!!!!

They are toxic to dogs!!!!

We are going to the Vet

We are not going to have an accident along the way

They will be able to fit us in

And it’s all going to be ok

Keep breathing

At this juncture

I don’t know HOW it’s all going to be ok

But I know that’s what I choose

I have thoughts of why do some terminal patients live and others don’t??

How can a blind man be a runner??

Crazy!!

I know!!

BUT

Of my 2 options

For this to be really bad

Or it be alright

I’ve chosen

And I’m prepared for it to defy all logic and life as we know it

Then my mind moves to what my picture and feelings of “Ok” are

I think of him running towards me with that crazy grin he gets

I see him on the end of his lead trotting up the street

I imagine his take off as he flys after a ball

I tell myself this isn’t the end

It’s a hiccup

A reminder how much I love him

I imagine how relieved I feel when the Vet tells me he’s OK

Anything that puts my thoughts in a space that brings relief and makes me feel better

Now this is what’s going around in my head on a loop as I drive us to the Vet

It’s like a power point presentation on repeat

We get there

We see the Vet

He’s going to be OK

Once it passes through his system he’ll be good

This can take 24-48 hours

He’s actually through the worst of it while he slept

We won’t be running at the park in the next 2 days

Or will we…….

I know this technique

I’ve used it many times

But when it comes to the Beings I love and care about

It’s not always easy to pull yourself back from the edge

and just think for a second

Or more to the point

think again

and then again

until you lock onto a thought that can help create peace

It’s been said many times

many ways

“ Your breath is the most expedient connection you have in your body’s control to assist in regaining control or shifting how you feel ”

And it’s true

And yeah

you could say, “well if you’ve done this so many times, how come you’re not better at it”

Or “why do you still need to do it at all”

Good point!

In response, I believe it’s because I need to resuscitate my life less and less

and the long periods in between have me a little rusty

I’m human

And I don’t have all the answers

But I do have extended chunks of time where my bliss is a bubble that’s made of spandex

and I can’t remember when I needed to remember to “just breathe”

I love my life

I love my dog

And I love Hope

( and The Vet )

Kate x